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HOW TO PISS OFF A GRAPHIC ARTIST

I’ve been working in a printing industry as a graphic/layout artist for almost two years (Sounds newbie, right?). My creations are usually for large formats. I am not a genius graphic artist, like others who can just draw in a scratch of paper then scan it and do it in Illustrator then BOOM! It’s ‘digital’.

I am a person who knows how to look if the layout is a good looking, just okay, or unattractive (unpleasant or unacceptable to my eyes).

There are so many articles in the internet like this one. Just type in google ‘How to piss off Graphic Artist’, then read some of it. It is so funny to read. I can relate so much, so I created my own version to share my experience as a 2-year-old graphic artist.

So here’s the list.

1. Size – Ask him to create a large format design. For example it is for a panaflex printing. And then he will ask you what size. You are going to answer him like this one… “Uhmmm something like this (then open your arms), maybe the width is three of this”. Then he will assume that what you mean is three yards. Do not give the height. Wait him to ask you then you will answer “I don’t know. What you think?”

Other tips: Do not give him the size in inches, centimeters or millimeters. It will be very convenient for him. Try giving him in yards or feet so that he will waste his time converting the size in inches, centimeters or millimeters.

2. Contents – After discussing the size, the graphic/layout artist will ask what to put on. Then you will answer him… ”This is just an easy job. Nothing much. Make it simple. Just the name of my company and then the logo”. (You must sound like you are an expert graphic artist too and that you are better than him)

3. File Formats – The artist will ask you the file of your logo. This is it!

Scenario #1: Give him the printed one (which you made in ms word) and make it untidy before giving him (A lot of folds are better). The artist will accept it because he can repair it and make it high resolution. But of course you will demand that you want some changes in your logo and you don’t like the old one. And you want him to make it 3D. And this will drop his jaw for sure.

Scenario #2: If you give him the printed logo he will not accept it. He will ask you the original file. He will explain it to you that what he will need is the jpg format, the one that you inserted in ms word. Then you will answer him that you don’t have the jpg file and you have no contact to person who created your logo. And you can tell him that you found the logo in the header of the company’s letter.

Other Tips: When inserting the logo in the document. Resize it. Make it smaller and don’t forget to unlock the ratio of the image. For example, if your logo is circle, do not lock the ratio so that your logo will now have an oval shape.

4. The Final Output – After 24 hours the artist will send to you his finish output. But then you will ask some more designs or options. And then eventually you will choose the first option.

5. The 3D Effects – Remember the Number 3, Scenario #1, you asked him to make your logo in 3D. And then he will answer his common alibi that he didn’t do it because it will take time. But actually what you mean is that you want some Bevel Effects.

6. Font Style – If the artist used the Helvetica or Century Gothic font, tell him to change it into Comic Sans. For bonus, ask him to make it bold and a little black stroke to make it bolder so that it's readable.

7. Maximized – There is a lot of white spaces. You are paranoid that the font size is not readable. So you will tell the artist to maximize the space.  And if you are not happy you will take the mouse and you are the one that will stretch the text and the logo.

8. Resolution – Demand a 600 dpi. This will slow his computer.

9. Color – He thinks ‘white and blank’ is elegant, tell him it’s boring! If he suggests 3 colors, say NO. Choose as many as you like.

10. Chit-chatting – Tell him some stories. Like about your latest achievements in your life. Ask him what version of Adobe Photoshop he is using. Then suggest some higher version and tell him to get rid of his version.

Ready for Summer!

Summer Summer Summer!!!!

Woooooh!